Golden Sun: The Slightly Twisted Edition
by Kitty and the Chocobo Warrior
Summary: Sorry about the late update, guys. But chapter two is here in my twisted version of Golden Sun. So read, enjoy, and review! Or read, don't enjoy, and still review.
1. Vale Part One

Disclaimer: Chocobo Warrior does not own Golden Sun. She also doesn't own Dora the Explorer, Murphy's law, Felix the Cat, or the world unfortunately. Ha! You can't sue me now, Camelot! In your face!

Core- Um, I think they got the point. Can you start the actual story now? I think the readers are getting impatient, if they haven't left already.

CW- Oh, fine. There's always something to ruin my rare moments of excitedness. Anyway, to begin the story!

By the way, at some points throughout the story, actual dialogues from the game will be used, but most of the time I will be improvising because I am too lazy to copy word for word text from the game.

EVERYONE REMEMBER THAT JULY 1ST IS CANADA DAY! ALL HAIL CANADA! HOORAY FOR CANADA!

"Isaac, wake up!"

Isaac groggily opened his eyes. When he saw it was only his mom, he fell back asleep again.

"Please, dear, wake up!" she insisted.

Isaac sighed. He just never could get a good night's sleep anymore.

"The Mt. Aleph Boulder is going to fall!" she said, thinking Isaac might have actually cared. Boy, was she ever wrong.

"She woke me up because a big rock is going to fall?" Isaac thought. He obviously didn't say that, because for a reason only Camelot knows, Isaac has a mute virus until Jupiter Lighthouse. But now we're getting off-topic once again. Sorry, readers, but I tend to go into Ramble Mode quite a bit.

"Come on, Isaac. We have to go--- now!" And with surprising strength for a woman Dora's age, she flipped Isaac out of bed, mattress and all.

As Isaac stood up from hic current positon on the floor, Dora (for all of you too ignorant to know who Dora is, she's Isaac's mom. Not that big-headed Spanish girl with the monkey and singing backpack.) said, "Isaac! You forgot something!"

"?" question-marked Isaac, which probably meant something along the lines of, "How could I forget something? We haven't even left yet!"

Dora used Catch to well, catch Isaac's cloak from the wall. "It's pouring outside! Don't go out without your tunic!"

"Hmm..." Isaac thought, "a boulder is supposedly going to kill us all. Let's spend the precious few moments we have fussing about my tunic."

"Have you got everything you need?" Dora (not the explorer) asked.

Isaac shook his head.

"I'm sorry, but we don't have time... You'll have to leave your Blam-O Man books behind.

Isaac mourned his precious comic books for a few seconds, then followed Dora downstairs.

"Isaac, Dora, hurry! The Boulder can fall at any second!" Isaac's father urged as he burst into the house. Now let's take a moment to introduce Isaac's dad, Kyle. He really is quite the pointless character. No one really cares about him. And that's it for today's segment. See ya next time on NPC Spotlight!

After a series of complicated head-nods and gestures, Isaac and his mother followed Kyle outside.

"Kyle... will they be able to stop the Boulder?" Dora (still not the explorer) asked.

Kyle seemed to believe that he couldn't look at Dora. "I don't think so. Not for long, anyway," he said. I'm sure Isaac and Dora were glad that Kyle didn't look at them. Who wants to see his ugly face? "You two go on ahead and take refuge in the plaza."

Dora was confused. Doesn't take much, does it? "Aren't you coming?" she asked.

"I need to help evacuate the other villagers," he said.

"Let me help you, Kyle!" Dora sobbed as she ran into Kyle's arms.

"It's too dangerous, Dora. Please, just take good care of Isaac!" he replied in I guess what he thought was a heroic tone.

At this point, Isaac felt that his life was turning into one of those soap operas his mother loved so much. He couldn't take much more of the drama, and so he wandered off

Meanwhile, Kyle and Dora (if you haven't figured out she isn't the explorer by now, there is no hope for you at all) didn't seem to notice Isaac left. "Isaac is old enough to get to the plaza on his own," Dora said. "You can find your way, can't you, Isaac? Isaac? Isaac! ISAAC!"

Now we shall leave a distressed mother and return to Isaac. After all, he is the main character of Golden Sun.

Isaac walked south, in an attempt to reach the so-called safety of the plaza, when a small boulder landed in front of him. "This is the boulder everyone's worried about?" he mentally asked himself. Asking yourself questions is not a good sign, Isaac. "This town has way too much drama.

Since Isaac figured that he wasn't in imminent danger, and he wsa awake anyway, he decided to see what Garet was doing. As he headed north to Garet's house, he saw him lugging a huge chest.

"?" Isaac question-marked.

"Isaac, what do you want? I'm trying to save my things!" Garet yelled.

Isaac decided that Garet was too 'busy,' so he decided to go visit Jenna. "..., ...," he dotted to Garet as he left.

Garet, who probably wouldn't notice if the sky turned green, paid no attention to Isaac whatsoever, and continued to try to lug that trunk who-knows-where.

As Isaac walked off, Garet called, "You're not going to leave me here, are you Isaac?" Isaac nodded his head. Didn't Garet just tell him to go away?

"You think I should forget these things and save my own life?"

Isaac question-marked once more. When did he say that?

"You know, you're right. OK! Let's get out of here!"

Isaac sighed. Why did he have to be mute? Why!

Anyway...

Isaac and Garet decided to go to the plaza to tell everyone they weren't in danger of a 'giant rock.' As they were walking, they heard someone yell, "Agh! The Boulder is falling!" Isaac looked up to see the village healers and some other random dude using their Psynergy to stop a giant rock from falling Isaac gulped. So **_that_** was the Mt. Aleph Boulder.

"Ugh... Ughnn... It's too heavy! We can't hold it for long!" the random dude cried out. "If our Psynergy runs out, Vale will be destroyed! We have to hold on until the villagers are safe!" He turned to Isaac and Garet. "Hurry, boys! Run! It's just a little farther!"

"What's just a little farther?" Garet asked, still quite clueless.

"The plaza, you moron!" he yelled back.

Isaac sweatdropped, then dragged Garet to Jenna's house, cursing the rocks that kept falling in his way. Isaac is a strong believer in Murphy's Law: All that can go wrong will in fact go wrong.

They walked until they found some guy who was lying on the floor. He asked them if they thought he was going to die. Isaac nodded his head, just for the heck of it. Why should he care about the emotional trauma the guy was going through?He had enough problems of his own. Like the random battles that kept occuring.

**Bat appeared!**

**Isaac uses You have no usable Psynergy!**

**Bat takes 0 damage!**

**Bat attacks!**

**Garet takes 3 damage!**

**Garet uses Spiky Hair of Ultimate Death!**

**Bat takes 999,999,999,999 damage!**

**You felled Bat!**

**You got 1 experience point.**

**You got 1 coin.**

Isaac's left eye started to twitch. One...bloody...coin... _Easy, Isaac, _he thought. _Remember those anger management classes..._

Isaac and Garet finally managed to get to Jenna's house to see if she had already gone to the Plaza of Undeniable Safety and Protection. They arrived just in time to see Felix (not the cat with the bag of tricks, mind you, but Jenna's older brother) hanging on to a piece of wood that was conveniently jutting out of the middle of the river.

**WARNING:**

**THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH IS AN EXTREMELY LONG RAMBLE THAT HAS TO DO WITH GOLDEN SUN BUT NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PLOT OF THIS STORY.**

**READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!**

What Camelot doesn't want you to know is that Isaac had pushed Felix into the river, because he had visited a psychic who told him that Felix would get his own game and upstage Isaac. Quite obviously, Isaac did not take kindly to this new, and so he tried to accidentally-on-purpose eliminate Felix so this wouldn't happen. Little did Isaac know that by pushing Felix into the River, he sealed his own fate, because of course, if Felix hadn't fallen into the river, he never would have met Saturos and Menardi, meaning that he would never know that the lighthouses needed to be lit, therefore he never would have went on a quest to light the lighthouses in the first place, rendering the Lost Age nonexistent, meaning that Isaac would be the sole star of Golden Sun. Funny how these things have such a domino effect, huh?

**We now return to the actual plot line of Golden Sun: The Somewhat Twisted by an Evil Spirit Edition. **

"Isaac, Garet, go find help!" Dora cried.

Isaac blinked. How'd she get here before them? Major plothole, I say.

Well, Isaac and Garet walked to the plaza to find the mayor, Jenna, and some other random guy who had just recharged his Psynergy. Both the guy with the Psynergy and Jenna joined Isaac so that he could lead them back to Jenna's house. _Sigh Here we go again... wait...why can't Jenna go on her own? I'm sure she knows how to get to her house..._

So now Isaac, Garet, Jenna, and Psynergy Dude walked back to the bridge above Felix's impending doom. They were, of course, too late, for as they started to walk down the stairs to help, the **real** Mt. Aleph Boulder decided to fall on top of Jenna's porch and older brother. Tough luck, Jenna.

Isaac started to sprint around in circles for a few minutes before the idea came to him that he should go get help. He started to run to the plaza, when he heard two people having an argument on a ledge above him. Isaac started to listen to what they were saying, but of course Garet came running up calling his name. The two strangely colored people noticed the two of them, and asked them if they were eavesdropping. Isaac frantically shook his head no, but Garet proudly stated," You bet we were!"

The two 'mysterious people' decided to attack Isaac and Garet. Needless to say, Isaac and Garet lasted about two minutes. The mystery man and woman hopped away to an unknown location...


	2. Vale Three Years Later

CW: Sorry about the late update, people. I haven't been around on for a while, so I didn't see the reviews. And I have to say, I feel very touched that people actually care if I update. (sniffle) I promise that as soon as I finish Chapter 3, I'll post it. Kay?

* * *

Three years later...

A blonde teenager was sitting on the roof of his cottage, admiring the beautiful view of the peaceful city of Vale.

Okay, so he was being forced by his mother to fix the holes in in the roof from the storm three years ago. Wait a minute. They JUST decided to fix the roof after three years? Wow, they're lazy.

So anyway, Isaac was toiling away on the roof while Dora sat on a lounge chair drinking lemonade and telling him to hurry up. The nerve of some people.

While this excitement is going on, you may want to know what everyone's favorite town idiot is doing. And if you don't want to know what everyone's favorite town idiot is doing, that's just too bad for you, because I'm going to tell you anyway. So there.

So, Garet (AKA everyone's favorite town idiot)decided to practice his Psynergy for whatever reason. And what better place to practice his Psynergy than his homicidal sister's flower bed?

While Garet was making his death wish, who should decide to visit him but Jenna, the angsty girl who really only lost her sanity and common sense the day of the so-called tragedy?

Well anyway, Jenna heard Garet yell, "Hyaa!" and she jumped. Well, wouldn't you jump if you heard someone yell "Hyaa!"? But then she seemed to realize that the screech had come from Garet, and giggled.

Um, mood swings?

Jenna walked over to where Garet was, and the two Mars Adepts shared a completely meaningless conversation, resulting in the two of them going to visit Isaac. Poor guy.

So let's see. Where are we? Oh yeah, Isaac's on the roof, Dora's telling him to get her more lemonade, and Garet and Jenna have just shown up at Isaac's house. Jenna yells, "MA'AM!", simply because Jenna can't speak without yelling.Then Jenna and Garet decide to go on the roof, too, because straw roofs are great places to hang out. They're REALLY sturdy.

Four people are standing on a straw roof. Nothing bad can happen right?

Wrong.

Because not only are the people of Vale pessimists, but they're also kinda clumsy. So Garet, King of Clumsiness that he is, decides to step on a particular part of the roof that Isaac JUST fixed.

Here's the simple equation: Heavy Garet + Patched Straw Roof Hole in said Straw Roof.

Get it?

Well, as Garet stepped on that particular spot, Isaac cried out, "!"

But as of that point, Garet couldn't understand the language of Dot, so he didn't understand Isaac's cry of "!" which probably meant, "DON'T STEP THERE, YOU IDIOT!" and stepped on that spot. And incidentally, his foot happened to land in Isaac's bedroom.

"Oh, Garet, watch where you step, dear," Dora said, albeit a bit late.

Isaac groaned. "I'm gonna be fixing this roof for the rest of my natural life..." he thought.

Ignoring her son, Dara asked the Fire Adepts, "Why are you two here today? Are you three going somewhere?"

Isaac grimaced and made frantic gestures for Jenna and Garet not to tell the truth, but alas, no one listens to poor Isaac.

"We're going to Mt. Aleph with Kraden!" said Jenna cheerfully. Wow...between her and Garet, it's a miracle that Vale hasn't burned down yet.

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?" Dora screeched rather, erm, loudly. "MOUNTAIN CLIMBING WITH KRADEN!" She turned dangerously on her son. "HOW DARE YOU NOT TELL ME OF THIS? I KNOW WHAT THIS IS! THIS IS AN ATTEMPT TO OVERTHROW MY AUTHORITY!" And so she continued to rant, for at least twelve hours and thirty-six minutes. She finished with, "WELL, I'VE GOT NEWS FOR YOU! IT WON'T WORK! AND DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY IT WON'T WORK? IT WON'T WORK BECAUSE YOU'RE GROUNDED! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO LEAVE THIS HOUSE UNTIL YOU'RE FORTY-SEVEN! DO YOU HEAR ME!" The Mars Adepts' faces looked something like O.o, while Isaac's face looked more like X.X.

All of a sudden, the Mystic Fairy of Plot Continuation appeared. "which one of you is Dora?" it asked in a high-pitched sugary voice of DOOM. Yeah, of DOOM.

Dora snarled at the fairy.

"Oh, okey-dokey. I have a note from the authoress telling you that you can't ground Isaac until the end of the story. Or else." And with that, it poofed away in a cloud of sparkly pinkishness.

Dora had a complete change in personality. "What I meant to say," she began sheepishly, "was that you three are gonna have a great time climbing Mt. Aleph! And don't worry about the roof, Isaac," she said, although the roof was the last thing on Isaac's mind at that point. "I'll finish fixing it." Which, by the way, she never did. The same two holes were always still in that roof . Wow.

Anyway...after that fascinating conversation, our three favorite Valeans--(gets attacked by the PGBHVA)---I mean, our three favorite 17-year-old Valeans (glares at PGBHVA) started to make their way to Kraden's house. Because what fun would mountain climbing be without an old man slowing you down?

Thirty-eight point five feet from Kraden's house, the trio ran into the Mystery Folk. These people just don't learn their lesson, do they? I mean, you'd think they'd stay away from Vale after a bunch of people from their town died after coming there, but whatever. Proxians just have strange intentions, I guess.

For example, after having a short conversation with the younger Adepts, the Mystery Folk (who at this point I'm just gonna call Saturos and Menardi, because if you don't know who they are, you should be playing the game and not reading this story.) just let the three walk past and go to Kraden's, even after they were eavesdropping. Didn't they try to kill Isaac and Garet for eavesdropping? Oh well.

So after sharing a sentimental (well, it didn't contain the word "DIE!", at any rate) conversation with the Proxians, the three made their way to Kraden's for some fun filled mountain climbing. Yay.

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TO BE CONTINUED IN CHAPTER THREE... 


End file.
